These last two weeks my family has been hit by death. A tragic, unexpected, heart-breaking death. One of my parent's closest friends, a beautiful lady whom I have known for over 30 years, passed over and we said our goodbyes to her on Sunday and Monday. I have been hit by her death harder than any other I've ever experienced. Maybe because other close deaths I've known have been grandparents who, while still very sad, are not unexpected. I find myself waking, like I have an internal alarm clock, every night for the past 2 weeks at 3.18am in the morning - I wake, I roll over, look at the clock and it's always the same time. Then I toss and turn for a couple of hours and over and over in my head is my Mum telling me and my feeling of disbelief - that first inital thought of 'no, she didn't just say that, I must have misheard'.
On top of that we found out a couple of months ago that a very much loved family member is terminal and I also find myself thinking often of him. Bracing myself for the inevitable, hoping that it's later rather than sooner, trying to think of what to say when we see him. It's very hard.
I'm very tired and I'm sure my eyes look like I have an extreme case of hayfever they're so puffy. In fact when I went back to work yesterday even my male co-workers were asking if I was OK so I figured I really must look as bad as I felt!!
I'm not ashamed to admit I'm very, very scared of death. The fragility that is life, something that can be taken in a second, a bad decision, a wrong turn. The visit to the Dr for a cold that won't clear to walk out knowing you don't have long left. And not just my own, but my husband, children, parents and friends. The people who are nearest and dearest to me.
About now re-reading my post sounds like I'm having a little pity party here on the computer all for myself but I'm not. I just wanted to impart to those of you reading to celebrate your life and those of your loved ones. Work and money is not everything. Take the time to relax and enjoy your life and hug someone and tell them you love them everyday. Live for the moment because you really don't know what is around the corner.